Ohissaaaa~~~

Ohisashiburi! Long time no see! Well, in this case, long time no blog! I feel guilty for not posting. Please don't hate me...girl has a life! LOL.

I am slowly getting my life back on track. I work longer and I'm cramming lots of network diagrams and Cisco crap into my head. After moving back to my mom's in November, I've been an emotional wreck. I would cry in my (sister's) room, and stay home on my days off, unless I ran out to get Starbucks. I'm sure most of you guys have figured my situation out already. I'm sad, broken, but feeling much, much much better than I have the last two years. I'm slowly gaining the weight I lost, and I'm not always angry/frustrated/irritated/sad/lonely/jittery/
nervous/tired.

Yes, a nasty combination of these emotions can really get the best of you.....I am not proud to admit that a lot, if not most of the time, I brought it upon myself. The layman term to describe my 'condition' would be 'NEUROSIS', but I beg to differ...I was in a unfitting relationship at a bad time. Perhaps a few years down the line....or if my circumstances were different, the relationship would have worked out beautifully. But the past four years of my life have included tragic losses, legal battles to keep certain negative influences out of my life, and finding shorcuts to heal cuts and wounds that, as I've learned, only long-term self-love and forgiveness can truly settle.

I have mi madre back...We've forgiven each other. Now I'm trying to meet new people through the few that I actually trust. I have little to no small talk left in me. It seems as though my gift of gab drowned...now it's up to me to climb over the walls I built around myself. I felt safe when I built them, and even safer when my moody prince climbed over the walls, saying he loved me to death, and that I was a lucky woman.

I want to spend the next few years acting my age. I'm tired of having to answer to people's expectations of what Aya should do, feel, and be.

I don't want to be with anyone for a long time. I want to be alone. But I don't want to spend my time alone...does this make sense? I just don't want to feel alone! So in that spirit, I try to go out more and meet different kind of people. For example, a few weeks ago I visited the home of one of the Art Directors of Marvel Comics. 'Mosh' hails from Brooklyn, NY but now resides in Tokyo. His humble apartment was a pure reflection of his artistic repertoire...Every inch of his walls and ceilings were covered with colorful graffiti and comic book characters. He quietly promotes his own work and continues drawing for comics like the Hulk, Spiderman, Batman and Robin, etc. I want to surround myself with people like Mosh who are either living their dreams or grindin' everyday to get there! I don't need any more lazy, broke, complacent people in my life. And when I say 'broke', I don't mean people who aren't rich. I mean people who have a real job and a real paycheck, but lack the ability to save...people who are always leaning on their friends and loved ones to help pay their bills because they stupidly spent half their paycheck on car parts or alcohol!

So that's how I'm doing in a nutshell. I'll try to throw some reviews out there. I got my hands on several new foundations and eyeshadow palettes. I do read all your blogs on my list religiously...thanks for always giving me something interesting to read!

Have a lovely weekend!!!

Love, Aya